Break the Cycle (Part III)
continued…
Being a seventeen-year-old kid with no direction and no guidance put a lot of pressure on me to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life before my senior year ended. I felt like everyone around me had their lives figured out already. Most of my friends knew exactly what school they wanted to attend, what major they were going to study, and what they wanted to do after they graduated from college. Some of my friends were elite athletes who were getting full-ride scholarships to big name schools. And the majority of my friends had parents who graduated from college and had their kids' lives all planned out for them. As for me, I was stuck in the middle. I was a good but not great athlete. I was in AP classes, but not enough of them. And my parents, well, they were clueless and penniless.
When I finally got up enough courage to tell my family and friends I was joining the Navy, I got a lot of mixed reactions. Mostly negative ones and even hurtful ones that I really was not expecting. For instance, I had a friend's dad, a former Navy pilot, discourage me from joining. He never gave me a reason why other than saying, "You'll see." Not helpful, bro! I honestly felt like every time I was asked why I was joining the Navy I had to defend myself and my decision. The more people asked why I was joining, the more frustrated and upset it made me. Looking back, I don't think my family, friends, or their parents knew that joining the Navy was probably the best option for me.
For most of my senior year it felt like the people around me were expecting me to change my mind and not join. They seemed to think that I would wake up one day and come to my senses. I really didn't feel supported at all about my decision. My friends constantly poked fun of me about it. My mother certainly wasn't thrilled with my decision (for obvious reasons that I would never argue with) and was very hesitant to sign the forms to allow me to join the Navy (I was seventeen years old when I went to MEPS, Military Entrance Processing Station, and swore in). However, I will say that both my parents were supportive and didn't discourage me from joining, but I knew deep down they didn't want me to go. The love and support I was looking for was replaced by ridicule and skepticism. Despite everyone's hesitancy and doubt, I couldn't let anyone, or anything stop me from forging my own path.
As my high school graduation date grew closer, my relationship with my family grew further apart. To this day, I'm still not exactly sure why that was. Could it have been me lashing out due to fear and anxiety for going out into the unknown? Was it my parents' lack of control over my life? Was it because I was rebelling against my parents? Was it jealousy coming from my parents? Or was it because I was a normal, hormonal teenage boy?! I would say it was all the above and then some. Whatever was causing the friction between my parents and I only got worse the closer it got to my ship out date… (to be continued)
Disclaimer: I started this blog as more of a therapeutic journal to document and share my life with others who are interested in listening. My blog posts will solely be based on my thoughts, opinions, and experiences as I work on my own path towards Mental Wealth. As I acquire new information along the way, my stance may change to reflect the new things I’ve learned. I, too, am a work in progress so please be patient, be kind, and bear with me. Thank you. - CM